Bring the Rain

Training ended more than a week ago, and my last days in Virginia were a whirlwind of packing, goodbyes, and last minute details. We still managed to carve out some sweet time with friends in the midst of that. All the young short-termers got together for a farewell celebration one evening, a fun time of snacks, silliness, and mustaches.

Yes, you read that right. Mustaches. 

But when the goofy pictures and joking subsided, we came together for a time of praise. We sang songs and lifted up prayers for the places and peoples around the world where we are going. It would have been a precious time under any circumstances, but it was all the more wonderful to me because it was storming. That may not sound especially remarkable given the bipolar nature of Virginia’s weather, and it’s not, so let me preface it with some background.

I love rain. Simple as that. Always have, always will. It’s a really convenient trait when you live in Florida, because lest you be deceived by our tourist-luring moniker, “The Sunshine State” gets a lot lot lot of rain. I really couldn’t tell you why I like the rain so much, but I love to play in it, listen to it, nap through it. I even have an entire playlist on my iPod of songs about rain. But perhaps the reason I like it so much is because it always reminds me of my heavenly Father, His power, His grace, and His faithfulness. One of my favorite hymns is “My Lord is Near Me All the Time”:

In the lightning flash across the sky, His mighty power I see,

And I know if He can reign on high, His light can shine on me.

I’ve seen it in the lightning, heard it in the thunder, and felt it in the rain;

My Lord is near me all the time, my Lord is near me all the time.

When the thunder shakes the mighty hills, and trembles every tree,

Then I know a God so great and strong, can surely harbor me.

I’ve seen it in the lightning, heard it in the thunder, and felt it in the rain;

My Lord is near me all the time, my Lord is near me all the time.

When refreshing showers cool the earth, and sweep across the sea,

Then His rainbow shines within my heart, His nearness comforts me.

I’ve seen it in the lightning, heard it in the thunder, and felt it in the rain;

My Lord is near me all the time, my Lord is near me all the time.

I could tell countless stories about how storms fill my heart with worship, but that night in Virginia reminded me of one in particular. As we sat there on the floor of the multipurpose room, the rain lashing the windows and providing the percussion to our songs, I closed my eyes and I was back in Haiti sitting on the floor of a house with a group of Americans just outside of Port-au-Prince.  The power and generator were both out and a Haitian storm was blowing down from the mountains with near hurricane ferocity.  We lifted up our voices in the dimness, competing to be heard over the wind and rain, singing song after song as darkness settled and the storm began to abate. We cried out “How Great is our God,” and He answered back with blinding lightning.

“I know that the Lord is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods. The Lord does whatever pleases him, in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths. He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth; he sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses.” –Psalm 135:5-7

With each thunder roll I felt His perfect peace and contentment; in the midst of the storm I was right where I was supposed to be. I was overwhelmed by His faithfulness that night, and I hadn’t even seen the way God would use that time in Haiti to direct me to this new adventure with Him.

Rain fight in Haiti!

“Remember your covenant with us and do not break it. Do any of the worthless idols of the nations bring rain? Do the skies themselves send down showers? No, it is you, O Lord our God. Therefore our hope is in you, for you are the one who does all this.” – Jeremiah 14:21-22

A year later, sitting in Virginia with the rain pouring down, I was once again overcome by His faithfulness. To go into all the little ways God wove things together to bring me to this specific place would take too long, so perhaps I’ll do another post on that some day. But suffice it to say that when I look back over the last year plus I can’t help but see His fingerprints on so many things. My heart was overflowing with thankfulness.

“For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” –Psalm 100:5

It was hard to leave and it is hard to be home. Coming back I am reminded about how much I love my life here. I am surrounded by people who love me and care about me. I have wonderful family and friends. An awesome church. Lazy sundrenched beach days. Barbeque. Chickfila. Friday night Bible study. Life is good. Life is comfortable. Life is easy. And in three weeks that’ll change. The two years that seemed like no big deal are beginning to feel like an eternity. The confidence and resolve that came so easily months ago are beginning to wear thin. Normally unemotional, I now find myself on the verge of tears at least once a day whenever I am reminded that I’m really only here visiting. I want to ask if I’m making the right decision, but I can’t even get the question out. I know I am. And in some ways, knowing that is even harder. I’ve always loved the quote by C.S. Lewis, “We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” And there’s the rub. Following God doesn’t keep us from pain, sometimes it leads us straight to it. His faithfulness doesn’t always protect us from hurt, but in our hurt He is always faithful. His unfailing love is our comfort (Psalm 119:76). We have His promise that He will not leave us or forsake us. He will carry us through, and comfort us when we hurt. “I, even I, am he who comforts you.” – Isaiah 51:12

When I am weak, He is faithful.

When I hurt, He is faithful.

When I doubt, He is faithful.

When I cry out, He is faithful.

When I am brokenhearted, He is faithful.

He is faithful. Praise Jesus, He is faithful! 

 And so when my strength is gone and my confidence is weak, I can walk on trusting in the faithfulness of my Lord that pours out like rain. You could blame a low pressure system for the week of rain that followed me down from Virginia and kept me from the beach during my first days home, but I prefer to think of it as God reminding me that He is near, and He is faithful. And maybe, He’s helping me get my fill of percipitation before I move to Lima, a coastal desert where it rarely rains. I’m not excited about living in a place without storms, but although I won’t have my physical reminder of God’s faithfulness, I know His fidelity remains the same.

“Where can I go from your Sprit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” –Psalm 139:7-10

*Prayer requests*: Thank you for your prayers and encouragement as I wrap up things in the states. Less than three weeks until Costa Rica! Please lift up Steven, Kattie and baby Evelyn who arrived in Lima today. Too many months until I see them again, but can’t wait to hear about their first days in our new home town.

*Check out the song “You Were There” by Avalon, on the music player at the bottom of the page.* 

Time Change --> Change Time?

As you’ve probably noticed, Daylight Savings Time started Sunday. If you haven’t noticed, well…that’s probably why you’ve been late to everything this week. I’ll be honest, I needed Jesus to sanctify my thoughts on Monday morning when my alarms  (I have to use 2 to 3 set at intervals to make sure I actually get up) were going off in the pre-dawn darkness.  I’m not a big fan of waking up even on the best day, and I’ve never been a morning person. At youth group camp I used to make a sign for my door with Proverbs 27:14:

“He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.”

The whole “spring forward” thing seems particularly cruel 7 weeks into training.  It led to me posting a Facebook status that *may* have mentioned me wanting to roundhouse kick Daylight Savings Time in the face. But I realized later that I probably need to apologize for that statement. The truth is, I love Daylight Savings Time. It means the sun isn’t blinding me at 6:30am when I’m trying to sleep in on the weekend. It means that it’s not almost dark when I get off of work at 5pm. It means that long hot summer days are just around the corner. And when it ends in the fall, I always mourn its passing. But therein lies the rub: I love Daylight Savings Time, but I hate the actual time change.

While the longer afternoons are a wonderful result, the time change itself is a painful and unpleasant process that leaves me wishing they would go ahead and invent intravenous coffee. And that reminded me that a lot of changes in life are like that. The new thing may be wonderful and desired, but that doesn’t mean the change will be painless. I remembered a quote I copied into my journal four years ago as I prepared to move to France:

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” – Anatole France

Training ends next week, and it’s only about six weeks until I’ll be living in Costa Rica. That move will bring a lot of change:

 New job.

      New residence. 

            New language. 

                  New people. 

                        New country. 

                              New continent.

                                    New challenges.

New normal.

That’s a whole lot of new. And those are only the big things! Basically, nearly every single thing in my life is going to be turned upside down in one 3-hour flight to San Jose. And there’s a lot of excitement in that. I’m thrilled with my job and am constantly in disbelief that I actually get paid to do this. I’m looking forward to new adventures and challenges. I love the opportunity to learn about new cultures and places.  But…it still hurts. Every new beginning is the end of another, and saying yes to something means saying no to something else. It’s always a trade-off.

I know eventually I’ll settle into a new life in South America. I remember when it happened in Paris. It wasn’t like someone flipped a switch, but it was a gradual process until one day I realized that I felt at home there. I had my places, my activities, my people, my routine- all the trappings of normal life. But long before that point there were a lot of goodbyes, a lot of frustration, a lot of anxiety, and a LOT of change, and it wasn’t always fun. But I eventually got there. And I will again.

"I'm all alone, there's nobody here besiiiiiide me..."

Marilyn Ferguson writes, “It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear. It’s like being between trapezes. It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer; there’s nothing to hold on to.”

I like that description and there’s much truth to it, but it isn’t the whole story. We do have something to hold onto, one thing that never changes. Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever.” Isn’t that incredible? Years ago, while struggling through a season where life seemed to be just one painful change after another, the truth of that verse poured over my heart like a soothing balm and I have claimed it ever since. To me it is an incredible comfort to serve a God that doesn’t change and who isn’t altered by the tumult and trials of this life. When nothing else seems steady, He is my rock and my firm foundation. He was and is and is to come. I can rest easy knowing He is never caught off guard. “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold” (Psalm 18:2). Thank you, Jesus!

And so I can face the sea of changes looming ahead with the sure knowledge that Jesus Christ is the firm rock to which I can cling. 

With Jesus, changes are "no prob-llama." (And yes, I want this shirt.)

*Prayer requests: Safe travels as everyone prepares to leave training next week. Smooth and quick resolutions for those waiting on visas. Comfort and peace as many head home for last goodbyes and prepare to deal with lots of changes.  

P.S. We learned recently about using Bible storying in illiterate places or cultures where stories are highly prized. We practiced some in small groups but I think we could all learn a thing or two from this little girl's telling of the story of Jonah. She's 6 and not reading. I'm impressed!

Is the Glass Half Full?

Today is *roughly* the halfway point of my time here in Virginia. February 24^th marks one month since I left Florida, and about a month until I return.  It’s hard to believe we only have a few weeks of training left, but at the same time, it has been a loooong month.  Many here have compared it to drinking out of a fire hose, which is a good analogy, if a bit prosaic.  I prefer to think of it as trying to sip out of Niagra falls with a crazy straw: you’re a lot closer to drowning than you are to getting a refreshing drink.

crazy straws = crazy awesome

We have sessions on all sorts of interesting topics taught by experts in their fields, but each one could probably be a semester-long class. We, however, get the information in somewhere between 2 hours and 2 days, depending on the topic.  I really wish I could retain more of what I’m learning because so much of it is valuable. But instead, I usually end up just feeling overwhelmed and mentally fatigued. 

The days seem to pass in one long continuous blur. Right now we begin at 8am with a morning study and worship time with the people in our small groups.  9am our sessions begin and run until noon. We eat lunch in the cafeteria and are back in sessions at 1pm. Depending on the day and topic and what else is on the schedule we finish between 3 and 5pm.  We have quite a bit of “free” time in the evenings, but you can imagine that is often a misnomer. There are a million details of travel arrangements, paperwork, reading assignments, and the like to occupy any time that isn’t pre-scheduled.

Now before you think that we’re enduring some horrible form of mental waterboarding, let me assure you that we do have fun, too.  Some people started a volleyball league, when it’s nice out we can get a game of Ultimate Frisbee going, and there are always people around if you are bored and want to get a game or conversation going.  Getting to know the others and hear their stories and learn about their areas of service is one of my favorite things. I especially love the people in my small group who will all be serving in South America.  I’m not a morning person but getting to start my day out spending time with them makes me not dread getting up so early. (They also have some pretty awesome kids who provide us with a lot of entertainment.)

I make occasional field trips into the local town for necessary errands, but also to grab a Starbucks or something other than cafeteria food for a treat.  They feed us well here, but the buffet style lends itself to overeating and the cooking staff is very um… creative? yes, creative is a good word… at reusing whatever doesn’t get finished off. Plus, they serve dinner at 5pm and my body is not accustomed to the early bird special, so sometimes you just need to escape!

The half way point means that most of the novelty and initial excitement has worn off for many people.  Reality is beginning to hit home, and doubts and questions that were easily brushed off before are now creeping back in, especially with our recent focus on security and persecution.  There are certainly days when I’ve sat there wondering why the organization picked me.  When you stand in the shadow of giants of the faith, hearing of their sacrifices and the great things God accomplished through them, it is easy to feel out of place. Surely I don’t belong here. I’ve done so many things that didn’t honor God. I still have so far to go and so much to learn. There must be someone else who is bolder, holier, more compassionate?

Yet, here I am.

And I know it isn’t a mistake. When I am tempted to question this decision, I remember the faithfulness of the One who brought me here. I look back and see His fingerprints on the circumstances and opportunities that led to this place.  He has led me faithfully and He asks that I follow Him in the same way.

We are tired, stressed, and overwhelmed at the magnitude of the undertaking before us, so it would be easy to get discouraged at this stage.  But when I read Psalm 46:10 the other day I read it from a new perspective. “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” I had always focused on the first part. We hear it quoted all the time and it’s wonderful. The second portion is often overlooked, but I love what it says! “I WILL be exalted among the nations. I WILL be exalted in the earth.” There is no question there. It’s a fact. God said it, so you can consider that signed, sealed, and delivered. He’s not waiting on us to get there. He allows us the privilege of being part of His work, but His glory isn’t dependent on my working and striving. One way or another God will be glorified and exalted among the nations. Isn’t that an awesome promise? We can be still and rest in that assurance, in that peace that comes from confidence in God. 

We may be halfway, but the glass is clearly more than half full. 

My metaphorical glass is filled with real sugar Dr. Pepper.

*And in case you’ve had a long week too and need a pick-me-up, check out this awesome story about a high school football game in Texas. You can't watch it and not smile!

Risky Business

Groundhog Day was last week and apparently Phil has decided it’ll be an early spring.  I don’t think Virginia got the message because it snowed again last night. Not much, just a thin dusting and I bet it’ll be mostly gone by lunch. Normally I’m not all that concerned about when spring is supposed to begin because in Florida it’s really all the same.  But here, in the frozen north, spring can’t come soon enough!  How is Virginia, you ask? Cold. Virginia is cold.  And often wet.  And so far, I’m not impressed.  But Virginia still has 43 days to make it up to me.  We’ll see.

 This was from the last blizzard, and not Virginia, but it made me laugh.

A couple weeks ago was an important anniversary: the 25^th commemoration of the day the world was graced with Della Turner’s presence.  I think she and her awesomeness deserve a shout-out. 

She’s pretty stellar.

  It was also the 25^th anniversary of the Challenger disaster, so as I read the text of Reagan’s speech that day, this portion stood out:

“I know it is hard to understand, but sometimes painful things like this happen. It's all part of the process of exploration and discovery. It's all part of taking a chance and expanding man's horizons. The future doesn't belong to the fainthearted; it belongs to the brave.” 

Most of us will never have the opportunity to go to space.  Most of us will never risk our lives mapping uncharted regions of the planet, or climbing an untouched mountain.  We won’t have a hand in expanding man’s physical horizons. But we will all have the option of expanding our own horizons, of taking a risk.  Yet, when those challenges arise, many of us will walk away. We let the fear of change, potential loss, failure, or even death dissuade us from the venture.  As Reagan explained, when you take risks, sometimes painful things happen.  That’s true.  If you strap yourself to 1.6 million pounds of propellant and try to launch yourself into orbit, there’s a chance you’ll lose your life in the process. But here’s the larger truth: painful things happen. Period. Painful things happen to people living quiet simple lives in suburban USA just the same as they happen to astronauts exploring space…or missionaries taking the Gospel to a closed and hostile country.  No one is immune.  Cancer, car accidents, natural disasters… even terrorist attacks: they can happen any time, anywhere.  Yes there are certain inherent risks to everything we do,  but usually what we allow to create fear and keep us from acting are the perceived risks.

That becomes a problem when it comes to Christianity.  In America we don’t sense a great deal of risk attached to following Christ because it does not necessarily cost us much. We have this idea that God wants to keep us safe and comfortable, but David Platt puts it this way in Radical (Great book. Read it. Now!): 

“We say things such as, ‘The safest place to be is in the center of God’s will.’ We think, if it’s dangerous, God must not be in it. If it’s risky, if it’s unsafe, if it’s costly, it must not be God’s will. But what if these factors are actually the criteria by which we determine something is God’s will? What if we began to look at the design of God as the most dangerous option before us? What if the center of God’s will is in reality the most unsafe place for us to be?”

Mark Batterson hits the nail on the head when he asks, “When did we start believing that God wants to send us to safe places to do easy things?” That’s not what we see modeled in the New Testament. As one of our instructors here in training keeps pointing out, the most normal place for Christians to be in the New Testament is in prison. And in many places around the world that is still the case. Following Christ is risky.  It always has been, it always will be.  And I’d go as far to say that it always should be, because Christianity that costs nothing produces the same. Nothing. And we KNOW that is not God’s will.  Refusing to take risks when God has called you to them means you are actually taking a much greater risk: being disobedient to Christ.  You are also risking missing out on what God is doing and missing out on His blessings. “We all want adventure, faith, miracles, and a deep knowledge of Christ, but you can’t have those things without letting go of safety, security, comfort, and control. You have to choose between safety and bravery. The bottom line is this: God’s will in a fallen world is dangerous. (Batterson)”

So yes, following Christ can be dangerous, but as we’ve already established, being alive is dangerous.  So doesn’t it make sense to go ahead and spend your life risking it all for the cause of the Gospel?

I’m sure I’ll ramble on more on this topic at a later date because it gets me fired up, so let's just call this "Part 1."  I leave you with an entry from one of my favorite books My Utmost for His Highest. (I love me some Oswald Chambers. And check it out, they have it in Spanish!) :

“Supposing God tells you to do something which is an enormous test to your common sense, what are you going to do? Hang back? If you get into the habit of doing a thing in the physical domain, you will do it every time until you break the habit determinedly; and the same is true spiritually. Again and again you will get up to what Jesus Christ wants, and every time you will turn back when it comes to the point, until you abandon resolutely. ‘Yes but- supposing I do obey God in this matter, what about…?’ ‘Yes I will obey God if He will let me use my common sense, but don’t ask me to take a step in the dark.’

            Jesus Christ demands of the man who trusts Him the same reckless sporting spirit that the natural man exhibits. If a man is going to do anything worthwhile, there are times when he has to risk everything on his leap, and in the spiritual domain Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold by common sense and leap into what He says, and immediately you do, you find that what He says fits on as solidly as common sense.

 At the bar of common sense Jesus Christ’s statements may seem mad; but bring them to the bar of faith, and you begin to find with awestruck spirit that they are the words of God. Trust entirely in God, and when He brings you to the venture, see that you take it. We act like pagans in a crisis, only one out of a crowd is daring enough to bank his faith on the character of God.” 

  

         

Entre Todos los Pueblos

I inherited a Spanish/English Bible recently.  By inherited, I mean someone left it in the college building several years ago and I discovered and claimed it after learning that I would be going to South America and learning Spanish.  If you are reading this and are thinking, “Hey! That’s my Bible that I lost 3 years ago in Daytona!” well…tough luck. You should have taken better care of God’s Holy Word.  Just kidding, but seriously. You can have it back if you’ll tell me where your dad got it (Yes, I read the sweet note in the front, or at least the parts of the Spanish I could decipher).  So anyway, I had been looking for a Spanish Bible and this one needed a good home, so I adopted it because I’ve found that a good start to learning a language is to read something with which you are already familiar. You have a general idea and context to begin with so it is easier to follow.  So a few weeks ago while sitting in the Sunday morning service I flipped through my bilingual Book to the Psalms, wanting to test out my Spanish reading skills, and just happened to open to Psalm 96.  I read it in Spanish, checking my translation from time to time and was pleasantly surprised to find that it seemed a very fitting passage for this next adventure.  I smiled at God directing me to that passage and went on about my business.

Less than an hour later I sat in Sunday School listening to a friend share about her recent mission trip to Haiti.  Most of you know that Haiti has a special place in my heart and my time there has impacted me beyond my expectations, so I was excited that someone else had the opportunity to go and I was enjoying hearing about her experiences.  As she told of her time there she mentioned that her team had one passage that became their anthem for the week.  And then she read, you guessed it… Psalm 96.  I had to laugh.  I’ve found that, with me anyway, when God wants me to pay attention to something he usually has to smack me over the head with it a few times.

Friday here at training we were given some time for personal retreat to spend in the Word and in prayer, and during this time I came back to that passage:

“Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary. Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts. Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth. Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns.” The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved; he will judge the peoples with equity. Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them.  Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the Lord, for he comes, he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his truth.” – Psalm 96

There’s a lot jam-packed into that passage and I won’t attempt to go real deep into that right now.  The verses that jumped out to me were near the beginning: “Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.” – Psalm 96:2-3

Did you catch that? All peoples.  I’ll let that sink in for a minute...

ALL.

Everyone, everywhere = all. That little word never seemed so big.  Telling all peoples about the glory of God can seem a heavy responsibility and daunting task.  It’s tempting to feel a bit relieved that I’m taking a support job and not one that is explicitly focused on evangelism. However, while my official job description is “photographer,” every employee being sent to the field is first and foremost an emissary of Christ. But even if that wasn’t an expectation in my employment, it is still an expectation as a Christian.  Lest you think “Phew! Glad I don’t work for a missions organization where that’s my job,” this exhortation to tell all seems to be a command to all- all of us who have the hope of Christ owe the Gospel to all the people who have not heard. Really the responsibility is no different for those working desk jobs in the states than it is for those taking the Gospel to the unengaged people in Africa.

These verses did, however, speak to me specifically in my new job role. In a way I feel like this is my job description as a photographer working to spread the hope of Christ.  It is my prayer that my work will be a song to the Lord and that through my photography I will be able to proclaim his salvation and declare his glory and marvelous deeds to all peoples and nations.  Now before you go on thinking I have a pretty high opinion of my photographic talents, let me assure you that is not the case.  Ansel Adams I am not. But the cliché of a picture being worth a thousand words is a cliché for a reason.  Photography is a powerful tool.  A single image can impact millions of people for decades, or one person for a moment.  An image can communicate emotions, pique interest, raise questions, or inspire personal change.  So it seems reasonable that it can point to God’s glory and share the stories of his marvelous deeds around the world.  May His glory be my goal.

I could go on about this for ages, and I probably will at some point. But in the interest of trying to contain my verbosity, I’ll leave it here for the time being.  In case you want to learn those verses in Spanish:

“Canten al Señor, alaben su nombre; anuncien día tras día su victoria. Proclamen su Gloria entre las naciones, sus maravillas entre todos los pueblos.” – Salmos 96:2-3

*Side note: Saturday a large group of us went into town to explore Carytown and Richmond.  We browsed some fun boutiques, got some frozen yogurt, accidentally ended up in a pretty sketchy “diner” for supper, and laughed a lot.  I killed time just messing with the camera and did some extreme adjusting during the editing process that I normally don’t do. And, because of security concerns for my companions, I was shooting places and things instead of people, which I haven’t had the luxury to do much in the last year.  It was fun to play around with subjects and processes that I don’t normally use, but I have to admit, I miss photographing people.  My photo professor insisted we shoot people for every assignment because, as he said, the majority of photo jobs you’ll get involve people. There aren’t many photographers who make a living doing solely landscape or still life images.  We all whined about the requirement, but I can admit he was right.  And now that I’m used to it, people really are the most interesting subjects! These are a couple shots from this weekend.

Prayer Requests: For health- I’m down with a cold; focus- a lot of things fighting for our attention during this time of training; my accountability partner- Ashley G.; my teammates- Brittany, Steven and Kattie (+ Evelyn), Kevin and Ellen. 

And miles to go before I sleep...

Training started yesterday and I realized quickly that it has been quite a while since I was last in school.  My sitting stamina and auditory attention span are pretty weak, and sitting in sessions all day long is fairly fatiguing.  Dinner is at 5pm every day and by about 6:30 it feels like it should be time for bed, the result of sedentary days and information overload.  The start of a new adventure sounds exciting, but while there is an element of that, there is also the typical paperwork and housekeeping details that are necessary in most organizations.  Fortunately there is an endless supply of coffee in every building.  There is also an impressive variety of flavored creamers available, of which I am a big fan.  Much of life at training is geared toward weaning us off of our American addictions. TV, soda, WiFi, cheeseburgers, chocolate, etc. are all limited or nonexistent on campus, so it would seem reasonable to think coffee supplies might be too.  But apparently the leadership is wise enough not to extend austerity measures to people’s coffee. I have to wonder if they tried in the past only to find that trying to train people who are asleep, or cranky from caffeine withdrawals, is not very effective? Whatever the reason, yay for easy access to hazelnut flavored creamer! 

We had a steady cold drizzle all day yesterday- what I call Paris weather.  While I enjoyed pretending I was back in my favorite city, I was even more excited when the rain changed into snow after dinner! Remember me talking about my list of things I hate? Well I have a much longer list of things I love, and snow is high on that one.  I like to think that maybe the snow was God’s offering to offset those hated goodbyes.  But if He had really wanted to do that it would have snowed a couple of feet!  As it was, it only snowed an inch or so but it was nice big clumps of fluffy flakes falling quickly through the darkness, and this Florida girl will take whatever she can get.  No one else seemed quite as thrilled as I was, so I bundled up and headed out to wander about campus and enjoy my treat.  I walked away from the buildings, out into the edge of the woods by the frozen pond.  Standing there in the blackness listening to a stream rushing somewhere nearby and watching the trees fill up with snow, I enjoyed the peacefulness that comes with a snowfall and tried to clear my mind of the many stresses and anxieties that have burdened it of late.  Snow is magical at any time, but there is an added mysterious beauty of empty snowy places at night. 

There are a lot of places where the Bible talks about snow.  It references the storehouses of snow and talks about God spreading the snow out like wool.  But probably the most precious imagery I was reminded of is from Psalm 51:7, “Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” That came to me as I stood there watching the snow cover the black trees so I looked up the rest of the passage later.  Verses 8-12 are as follows: “Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” A great passage at any time, but particularly appropriate at this point.  It is easy to get overwhelmed if you stop to think about the magnitude of this undertaking and the many challenges that lie ahead.  So I am making that my prayer, for a renewed steadfast spirit, a clean heart, joy, and a willing spirit to sustain me. 

While I walked in the snow last night, something else remained stuck in my brain courtesy of my high school English teacher.  Lines from Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” kept rolling through my head.  So, Mr. Rohol, congratulations are in order. Seven years later I still remember what you taught me. You win. And, just in case you want to feel really proud, I did quote your favorite line by Polonius from Hamlet at dinner yesterday: “Oh, I am slain!” I think that deserves a cookie, but if you’re not convinced I’ll try to work in a Great Gatsby reference sometime in the next day or two.

And now, for your literary pleasure:

STOPPING BY WOODS ON A SNOWY EVENING

BY ROBERT FROST

Whose woods these are I think I know.   

His house is in the village though;   

He will not see me stopping here   

To watch his woods fill up with snow.   

My little horse must think it queer   

To stop without a farmhouse near   

Between the woods and frozen lake   

The darkest evening of the year.   

He gives his harness bells a shake   

To ask if there is some mistake.   

The only other sound’s the sweep   

Of easy wind and downy flake.   

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

*The snowy woods painting at the top is by a new favorite artist of mine, Leonid Afremov. A friend here introduced me to his work and I'm sold. He paints fall, rain, dancers, sail boats, and European cities, which are all favorite topics of mine, and he does it with an impressionist style with remarkable colors. Check out some of his other stuff here.  

Here's Goodbye...

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I hate goodbyes. In fact, of everything on the substantial list of random things that I hate, goodbyes rank in at number one. They beat out olives, inept drivers, florescent lights, LSU, mushrooms, and the word “irregardless.” So as you can see, the competition was pretty tough.  Part of the problem is that I’m a fairly collected person.  I like to think that I’m rational and calm with a healthy level of emotional distance (which often leads to jokes about my lack of compassion and sensitivity).  But when it comes to goodbyes, all of that goes out the window.  Suddenly I’m transformed into an emotional, sentimental, teary mess. I’m not talking a delicate tear in the corner of my eye and a lump in my throat.  No, I’m talking a full on puffy-eyed, snot-nosed, can’t-control-it meltdown.  Believe me, it ain’t pretty. 

            Even as a kid it was the same.  I saw my grandparents twice a year like clockwork, but that didn’t matter when it came to goodbyes.  At the end of each visit when it was time to go, I’d hug my grandpa, he’d say “I love you, Hon,” and I’d promptly burst into tears and sob for the next half hour until the plane had reached a comfortable cruising altitude.  So as you can imagine, the last few goodbye-filled weeks have been a little rough.  I actually tried to write this blog post a few days before I left Daytona, but just writing about goodbyes was too emotional and I couldn’t get more than a few sentences in without ending up in tears again.  So yes,  goodbyes stink, but as someone told me when I said that during our tearful parting, they are supposed to.  

As I drove away, thinking about how much being separated from those you love hurts, and how painful goodbyes can be, that comment came back to me. Farewells are supposed to hurt. It’s really just a sign that you have connected and cared for another person, that you have invested in a relationship.  If it is easy to walk away, from a person or a place, then there probably wasn’t much closeness or investment.  So what the last few weeks of sentimental moments and sad goodbyes tell me is that I have been extremely blessed.  Each painful farewell is a reminder that I have a life filled with wonderful friends and family for whom I genuinely care, and that I’m leaving a place in which I am invested.  So when you think about it, I suppose there is a silver lining to those awful goodbyes after all.    

*Here's a song from my soundtrack for this next adventure. I heard this song on the radio in Arkansas this summer and it struck a chord.  This new journey was still just a far off possibility at the time, but when I heard the song I knew there was a day coming when it would say just what I feel.  It's called "Follow Love" by FFH. It's a bit sappy, but indulge my sentimentality this once, I think I'm allowed right now. I promise to compensate with an extra dose of sarcasm in my next post. :-)  You can listen to it here.

Follow Love

I'm gonna miss this simple town full of memories, 

I'm gonna miss just hanging out with all my friends,

Rainy days and summer nights,

Skipping stones by the river side, 

But I know... it's time to go.

So here's goodbye, here's so long,

I must go and follow love,

I feel my heart moving on,

I must go and follow love,

Carry on while I'm gone,

This is what I've been dreaming of,

I miss you so, but I must go,

Go and follow love.

I've got a heart that's full of dreams and a little bit crazy,

I can feel it pulling me to somewhere I have never been,

I'm packing up and leaving home,

To travel into the great unknown, 

It's time, I have to go

-Chorus-

We're not guaranteed tomorrow,

So we must just keep on living for today,

And make the most of every moment,

Every step along the way.

-Chorus-

I must go, go and follow love.